Angelina
Portrait with Ken Pao
Portrait with Zachary Maxwell Stertz
I'm 15––I grew up, I moved a lot, but I grew up mainly in Queens. People would describe me as an old soul and that I'm very wise for my age.
I want to be seen as strong, beautiful and brave.
The theme that I want to portray in my portrait is that anxiety and mental health has affected me. I want to show other people that it's okay to have these feelings, and you have to try and get help when they get really bad. During this time, especially during corona, I was really questioning myself, who I am, my identity, who I want to be, what I want to be… I kind of realized I don't need to know that right now. I'm always going to want to know who I am, but you're never really going to know because everyone is changing all the time.
I've inspired other family members to get help for themselves. My family doesn't really accept mental health sometimes, or they don't really understand it. I grew up in a Colombian household so it was kind of like––when my mom was in Colombia, nobody had mental health problems. Everyone was fine… or so they say. I was finally able to get out of my shell and say, “Hey, I need help. This is what I need to do to better myself and make sure that I'm safe.” When I did that, I noticed that other family members were more welcoming to discuss mental health and how it affects people. And then one of my brothers went out and got help too.
My strongest memory is my mom kicking my dad out. He was abusive and he also did not understand mental health at all. He's one of the reasons that I'm so strong because I had to deal with him. If I could change something about right now it would be the way that the justice system works. It's affected me and my family a lot. I just wish it would be more in favor of victims rather than in favor of abusers. It’s complicated. If it were different, I feel like a lot of people would feel heard and feel as if their stories were understood.
My biggest dream personally is to really get to love myself. In the grander scheme, I would love to help other people. That's what I've always wanted to do and it's kind of been part of me since I was young. Maybe I can make music that really helps people and speaks to them? I've also thought about being a psychologist, like the route my sister took, and be able to hear and be there for people. Music therapy could combine those. I could also become an activist for mental health and protecting victims. I have the support to achieve that from my family and from Art Start. I consider them both my family.
I want to impact others by making them feel like they can relate to me. Relating to someone is very powerful because it makes you feel heard. I really want people to feel that they're understood and heard.
New York, 2020